Let's talk about Himberly.
We hired him — loosely speaking, in the way you 'hire' a golden retriever to help with the dishes — to help build Chirpnout. A website. For the people. For us. A noble mission. A simple mission.
And somewhere between choosing fonts and uploading product images, Himberly looked deep into the void... and the void handed him a clothing line, and a Fucking Record Label.
His own clothing line / record label.
We don't know exactly when it happened. There was no memo. No town hall. No slide deck titled "Pivoting Away From Your Goals To Pursue Mine: A Vision." He just... arrived one day with a logo, a brand name, and the kind of unblinking confidence that can only be achieved by someone who has never once Googled 'market research.'
The brand is called Dislocated Jointz. It features a circular stamp logo with imagery that is — how do we put this — botanically themed. It is bold. It is committed. It is absolutely, categorically not what we asked for. And because apparently a clothing line wasn't enough, Dislocated Jointz is also his record label. Same name. Same logo. One umbrella of chaos. We did not ask follow-up questions.
Now, here at Chirpnout, we believe in supporting creative expression. We believe in dreaming big. We believe in the entrepreneurial spirit that burns inside every human heart like a tire fire on the highway — visible from miles away, impossible to ignore, and someone's probably going to get a citation for it.
We also believe that if the beatings continuie, morales improve.
So here is where we stand: Himberly will be permitted to exist within the Chirpnout universe. His merch will be sold. His delusions of grandeur will be tolerated with the patient love of a woman who has hidden the car keys and is waiting for him to figure it out.
But make no mistake: we are focused. We are building Chirpnout. We are serving The People. We are not going to let one man's rogue brand-slash-record-label ambitions derail the mission.
Himberly, if you're reading this — and you are, because you proofread everything and then change one comma — we love you. But get back to work. We need more shit.
God save us all.
— Man'gela, Chief Everything Officer, Chirpnout