{"product_id":"baboon-hot-hotsauce-tee","title":"Baboon Hot Hotsauce Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eScientists have spent decades measuring heat. Scoville units. Infrared thermometers. Fancy laser guns pointed at asphalt in August. And yet, somehow, none of them thought to just ask the baboon.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecause the baboon \u003cem\u003eknows.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSitting on a corrugated tin roof. In the sun. With that particular anatomical feature that evolution decided should be bright red and completely uninsulated. \u003cem\u003eThat\u003c\/em\u003e is the gold standard of hot. That is the benchmark. That is \u003cstrong\u003eBaboon Hot.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBaboon Hot Hotsauce wasn't born in a test kitchen. It was born on a rooftop, at noon, in July, by a primate who had absolutely no choice but to sit there and suffer — and somehow looked furious and dignified about it at the same time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for people who like it hot. People who put hot sauce on their hot sauce. People who sweat \u003cem\u003eby choice.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium tan\/khaki unisex tee — the color of the tin roof, the heat, the suffering, the \u003cem\u003eflavor\u003c\/em\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBold retro Baboon Hot Hotsauce badge graphic centered on the chest — angry baboon, flames, full commitment\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable S through 3XL — because heat tolerance is not one-size-fits-all\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with: wings, ghost peppers, questionable life choices, and a tall glass of something cold\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eBaboon Hot Hotsauce: Hotter than a baboon's ass on a tin roof. Verified.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Chirpnout","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":67582769725589,"sku":null,"price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":67582769758357,"sku":null,"price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":67582769791125,"sku":null,"price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":67582769823893,"sku":null,"price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":67582769856661,"sku":null,"price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0802\/3002\/3317\/files\/image_b01ef467-a7ac-4c9a-a7b0-a33bd80d12b6.png?v=1790457984","url":"https:\/\/chirpnout.com\/products\/baboon-hot-hotsauce-tee","provider":"Chirpnout","version":"1.0","type":"link"}