Plandemic

It started with a bat.

Or a lab. Or a bat near a lab. Or a lab that studied bats. Nobody agrees on the bat situation and frankly that's part of the point.

What everyone does agree on is what came next: two weeks to flatten the curve, which became four months, which became a year and a half, which became a period of history that your children will ask you about and you will not know where to begin.

You bought flour. You learned sourdough. You stood six feet away from strangers in a Costco parking lot and called it a Tuesday. You watched a man on television tell you that he was the science, and something in your brain went very quiet and very suspicious and never fully recovered.

This shirt is for that moment. That quiet. That suspicion.

The Plandemic Tee features a hooded puppetmaster pulling the strings on a globe full of masked, compliant masses while the gears of something enormous grind overhead and the all-seeing eye watches from below — unbothered, unblinking, and extremely well-funded. PCR tests. Lockdowns. Manufactured numbers. The Great Reset. It's all here, packed into one gloriously unhinged graphic that will make your Thanksgiving dinner either significantly more interesting or significantly shorter, depending on your family.

Wear it to the grocery store where they still have the six-foot stickers on the floor for some reason. Wear it to your next booster appointment as a conversation opener. Wear it on an airplane and enjoy the silence.

• 100% Ultra Cotton Gildan tee — soft, durable, and completely unsponsored by any public health agency
• Full-coverage bold illustrated graphic — the kind that makes airport security pause and reconsider their life choices
• Available in multiple colors — because freedom of choice still technically exists (for now, check back next quarter)
• Classic unisex fit — flattering on the fully vaccinated and the unvaccinated alike, no questions asked
• Machine washable, no mandate required

Buy it for yourself. Buy it for the person in your life who sent you seventeen PDFs in March 2020 and turned out to be right about at least four of them. Buy it for your doctor and watch what happens.

They told you to stay home. They told you to comply. They forgot to mention there'd be a shirt about it.

There's a shirt about it.